Updated: Jan 29
93% Of Communication Is Not Portrayed Through Words. It's Actually Spoken Through The Body. Only 7% Of Communication Is Verbal. I'm Selna Kim - America's Face of Dating And I'm Going To Share Ways To Use The Body To Make You Look More Attractive Instantly.
“I keep hearing about alpha male body language, dominant body language turns her on, or how your body shows others how you feel about yourself... Can you give detail?” - Chris
TIP # 1: CUT OUT fidgety movements, antsy, darting eyes, cracking knuckles, etc.
The first tip revolves perfectly around a quote I once heard in the promoting industry.
"Alot of the time success, peace, and happiness have more to do with what you cut out of your life versus what you add to your life."
Let me tell you the story about when I first discovered "High Status / High Value Body Language". It was 2nd grade, and this Italian boy moved to our school and was placed right in class. If you've read my book, ever since I was young you know that I wasnt the hot shot in grade school or high school. I wasn't the kid that girls drooled over or had crushes on or talked/giggled about. So, I was a little jealous when this olive-skinned, jet black haired Italian boy moved to our class and the girls went goo-goo-gaga over him. They giggled about him.
They desired him... At first.
BUT, in less than a week every girl's crush and attraction towards him just seemed to vanish out of thin air. They started ignoring him, and acted like he wasn't even there. I was so confused. Literally he had every girl there, but then he just, kinda, didn't. I couldn't figure out what happened to where these girls were repulsed by him until I started to analyze him in every detail I could see. When he talked to girls he had this weird habit where he would roll his shoulders around almost like he was shrugging. He kept fiddling with his hands like he was doing the fireball jutsu. Bit his nails. Darted his eyes in every direction except for her eyes.
I felt like I saw the matrix. I saw everything that was turning girls away with the body. Cut out all unnecessary movements. Women tend to love being around men who are in control. When you fidget, crack knuckles, stutter words, pick at your finger nails all of these wasted movements are showing her that you're reacting off of her. Women want a man who doesn't become unglued and uncentered in her presence. A man who can hold that tension. These movements not only show her that she is ungluing you, but what does it say about your life? You're all over the place and don't have any control over your life. Will she find that in depth look hot? Sexy? Fuck no.
TIP # 2: SLOW DOWN
Nobody wants to be around someone whose fidgety, jumpy, and stressed all the time. We feel like we are being dragged down. Those fast and jumpy movements signal low status because it shows that they are not comfortable in that specific situation. It's telling others that they feel unworthy, or attached to some outcome that may or may not happen. Low value people let nerves, stress, and anxiety take over their entire bodies and they totally fall apart. This symbolizes a lack of strength, control, and comfort.
You may have heard when a girl will tell a man, "slow down". She's not necessarily talking about his movements, but the fact that he's coming on to her way too fast and before her feelings have developed. When a man has these nervous movements then she starts to feel uncomfortable. When she's uncomfortable then any move you make on her is going to make her feel like you are coming on way too strong and fast. When talking to people, imagine as if you're underwater. When you reach for the drink, reach slow like you aren't rush. High value people take their time in social settings. They turn their head slowly and move their eyes slowly. They make themselves comfortable first.
TIP # 3: YOUR HANDS & ARMS
There are exceptions for every rule in attraction and dating. For example, a lot of coaches will tell you to never cross your arms. It's showing that you're uncomfortable in your environment and closed off. However, in other cases folding arms could be used as a great disqualifier to make her chase you. For example, if you were to say, "Tell me something really interesting about you." Then you fold your arms and lean away. Kind of like an interview where the boss leans back in his seat and folds his arms to position himself higher than you.
Most of the time crossing arms isn't going to be good because it's showing the back of your hands. I actually learned this from the book 'Love Signals'. The back of your hands communicates that you're a threat, or danger. When you're fighting you show the back of your hands in a fist, or when you're going to slap someone you show the back of your hand. It also communicates that you're hiding something and might try to manipulate. So, when you're talking to her, be very #open with your hands. Talk with your hands, but don't do it too much because too much of anything could be a bad thing.
TIP # 4: OPEN Vs. CLOSED Body Language
What better way to piggy-back off of crossed arms and hidden signals than with closed off body language. It's said that when you are covering your torso (AKA where your guts are, heart is, and all the exposed organs) it shows you're uncomfortable. When we cover our torso, we're feeling fear so our natural hardwired extinct is to cover where all of our important organs are.
Our body language and mind are connected. Our body language also releases hormones and the chemicals in our blood stream, which paints our mind-set whatever mood our body is in. There have been studies done where a heart transplant patient actually began to change their personalities, feelings, and reactions to that of the donor. It's because the mind and the body is connected. Isn't that fucking wild?
The University of Cambridge took something like 20 clinically depressed people, like seriously depressed, and they cured their depression at something around 90% almost instantly by making them smile at themselves in the mirror. According to this, it's practically impossible to smile as big as you possibly can and then feel depressed. If this is true then moving our body in confident and calm ways will bring those same feelings and thoughts.
Which leads us to open body language. Open body language is dominate body language. There arms, hands, and legs will be far apart and not normally crossed. Open body language just means taking up more space. When you're sitting down, your legs are open, almost bringing attention to your crotch. Without being obnoxious, make sure you stick your chest out when you walk and walk with a purpose, and take up more space. Open your torso. When you're sitting, put your arm behind the seats.
TIP # 5: REMAIN UNAFFECTED
A high value, confident individual doesn't let their environment throw them off their center. Low value people let beauty, people, pressure, and the environment totally unravel their body language and expose them. Whether it's the temperature of the room, the amount of people, the noise, or the brightness. It's irrelevant. Basically, you don't allow externalities to impact and effect how you feel.
Control your breathing. It helps you provide oxygen to the brain to think more clearly. According to Esther Sternberg, professor of medicine at the University of Arizona, slow deep breathing negates the fight or flight reaction. Put simply, it calms you down because you make your best decisions in a calm, and comfortable state. You can never operate at peak performance if you're in the fight your flight state. It will be difficult to get your thing up during sex. Stay centered, controlled, and keep giving fuel for confident thought loops through your head.
BONUS** TIP # 6: SMILE
This is the thing that just simply makes you look more attractive, elevates mood, and improves the immune system. Don't try to be that person who tries to look tough and never smiles wherever they go or are at. The #smile is one of the sexiest things on any woman but is one of the most attractive things on a man to a woman when it's genuine. If you smile too much then it's like you're trying to get them to like you too much. It's a sign of being needy. So, practice your smile, practice the 'James Bond' smirk. Studies have shown time and time again that women find men significantly more attractive when they are genuinely smiling versus not.