Updated: Jan 17
I’m Selna Kim – America’s Face of Dating, and today I’m going to be telling you (unfortunately) multiple obvious signs that a girl isn’t interested in you. BUT because I want you, and everyone of team SK to be successful I’m going to be giving you a couple powerful strategies to turn her disinterest into steaming hot desire for you. If this is your first time, make sure to tune in to the part 1 of the video, ‘Women Who Want You Do This’ where I explain what it looks like when a girl wants you, or secretly wants you and you don’t know it.
I got an email from a guy who met a girl in the club, and she was clearly interested in him by the signs she was throwing at him. They exchange social medias, and he doesn’t get the hint through what she says and does to get his attention that she already wants him. So, he tries to game her, or act like he doesn’t care, thinking that it will make her like him more, but it actually has the opposite effect, and you’ll find out what happens. You don’t game or play around when a girl has a high level of interest like this. Game, and strategy is for women who are in the yellow or green or low orange (On The Chart Midway Through Article Below) and it’s used to push them to the red section. Girls who are already in the orange-red section want you. They are basically saying, “I want you & if you don’t do something about it then I’m going to assume you don’t want me.” If you play games on a girl who’s this interested then she’s going to start to assume you’re jerking her around, using her, and don’t want her so she will begin to lose interest. Email AND Video Below:
My answers = >>> BOLD ITALIC <<<
Emailer = REGULAR
What’s going on SK. First, I have to tell you that your book is one of the best books I’ve ever read. I’m not much of a reader, but this totally changed my perspective on books. I’ve told all of my friends about it and that they should get it asap. My name is Austin, and I currently live in Texas – only place where you can actually still party. I’m here because of a situation that I’ve messed up and pretty badly. I had a girl who was very interested in me but over time she eventually ghosted me.
We met a few weeks ago at the bar. I went out with my friends. It was one of the best nights of my life. I was on a fire. We danced in the club all night long, and the girl’s started to take notice of the fun time we were having. One specifically, I noticed her eyeing me from across the club. Every time I looked up, we caught eyes and then she would look away. >>> (This is a sign that she’s in the orange section on the chart, at least yellow orange because the eyes do not lie. They will stare at what they want. For those reading this for the first time, in part 1 I talk about interest indicators. Basically, red means she is hot for you. Wants you, chasing you, and possibly in love. Blue is where she is totally not interest and wants nothing to do with you. Yellow is the in between where it could go either way.) <<<
Then before I knew it, a few minutes later her and her friends were dancing next to my group. >>> (This is another sign that she’s in the orange. It’s called a ‘choosing signal’. Choosing signals come from girls who are already in the orange for you, basically indirectly telling you that this is yours so come and get it. This is rare for most people. My girlfriend does some modeling in Texas actually, and we met in Cancun. She wanted me bad and it was written all over her face. I kind of want her to come on the show and talk about that. It’ll help guys in approach and dating. I remember specifically, I got back from the Cancun strip where the wildest parties occur, and I was painted on. And when girls like you they are going to find a reason to talk to you. I was painted and she was like, “Where did you just go?” And 5 minutes later we were dancing on the dance floor together. The rest is history.) <<<
One of my friends started talking to a girl in their group, and we started talking. This happened about 20 minutes before the clubs closed, so we left. My friend got one of the other girl’s numbers, but I didn’t. However, a day later, the girl that I had been talking to ended up finding my Instagram, following me, and then messaging me. “I had a great time with you that night! Hope we can do it again.” With a smiling emoji. I sent back, “Wow, you tracked me down. You’re not a stalker, are you?” I sent it with the winking emoji. She sent back, “I’m not, but I could make the exception for some people.” With another wink. >>> (She’s very interested. She was flirting with you. She’s clearly in the orange at this stage, and that line is great! It was a disqualifier and it clearly had an effect on her because she flirted immediately.) <<<
This was where I might have messed it up a little bit. I heard from other dating coaches that you should act uninterested and that would make her like me more. After I gave her my number over Instagram messages on a Sunday, she texted me almost immediately after, so I decided to not respond to it until Tuesday afternoon. >>> (You’re playing games with her for no reason. Only believing that it’s going to make her like you or want you more when she already does. There are two common beliefs that people give you about dating and attraction. When you hear something like this you should wax your ears and stop listening:
First – Be NICE to her. Buy her everything she wants, spoil her, fill her ears with so many compliments that it clogs her ears like bath water, and please her. “Happy wife happy life as they say.” Run FAR from people who try to give you advice like this.
Second – Be an ASS to her. The advice you’re getting. Ignore her, don’t care, and try to be cool and it’ll make her obsessed with you.
It’s funny because usually the people who try to be the nicest usually end up being the most manipulative, meanest, controlling, and forceful people when you actually see who they are. The guys who try to act tough and not interested are some of the most insecure. I read in the '48 Laws Of Power' by Robert Greene that an over trait usually conceals the opposite. i.e the guy who thumps his chest = big coward. Uptight girls = screaming for adventure. Which is actually a great flirting tactic. When she’s all uptight and you say, “You’re dying for adventure & I can read it all over your face.” Sit, Pause, Stare, Pussy = wet. People’s weaknesses are the opposite of what they reveal.) <<<
I responded to her, “It was so good meeting you that night in the club, we have to do it again.” And she responded, “We should do it again this weekend because me and my friends are going out. You should come with” She sent with a wink. We went out that weekend, had a really fun time in the club, and we went back to my place where we had sex for the first time. She did bring up a few times during the night how I said and did some things that week that made her feel like I was distant. I only replied to her that it must have some effect on her because we wouldn’t have ended up here if we didn’t. >>> (Good comeback. I would’ve said, “Whatever you have going on in your head, keep it up because I love what we have going.” Even though you’re clearly playing games and need to cut that shit out. She’s remembering how you make her feel, and that’s why she commented on your coldness.) <<<After that night she came over again a few days later and we slept together, but she asked me, “Why don’t you take me on a date?” But I told her that I wasn’t really into that kind of thing. >>> (WHY? You should’ve asked, “What do you mean?” What happened to the wit from earlier? Like, “Woah babe slow down we should leave the boyfriend and girlfriend talk out of it until you can handle me.” All this probably made her think was, “Wow, he doesn’t care about me. He’s just using me.”) <<<
She was closed off the rest of the night and I could tell something was on her mind, but I acted like there wasn’t anything wrong. >>> (You should NEVER act like nothing is wrong. She’s testing you to see if you really care enough to open her up and get her to talk about her feelings. Now you just look like an asshole. I’m sorry if that’s harsh, but I’m not going to blow sunshine up your ass and feed you bull shit. As a coach, mentor, and influencer my job is to get you to what you want as fast as possible.) <<< When I tried to cuddle her, she would hold me loosely, and before she left that night her body language went from happy to see me to sad and mopey. She gave me an excuse that she had to leave early and not spend the night. >>> (On the chart, women who aren’t interested in a man are going to have their feet facing away from him when they talk. It’s been studied that when people are feeling uncomfortable, then they tend to fold their arms and cover their torso. It’s because that’s our most vulnerable spot, and it’s hardwired into us since the caveman days. It’s not protected by any bones. Also, she will look in every direction except for your eyes if she’s uncomfortable or even creeped out. But this is different because she was already into you, but you’re ‘gaming’ her back into the green section and eventually you’re going to lose her. This chart applies to when you first meet and even if you’ve been married for decades. She’s starting to give you signs that if you don’t do something then she’s going to lose interest in you until it’s too late.) <<<
I didn’t hear from her for 3 days after that. I texted her 2 days later and it took her over a day to reply back to me. >>> (A sign of a girl with low interest is when she takes over a day to you respond to you. As I said in the part 1 to this video, when a woman wants you then nothing is going to stop her from talking to you. But situations like this are unique because she WAS interested and either she has lost interest in you or you hurt her in some way like what happens in most relationships.) <<< I asked her if she would like to meet up that weekend and she told me that she would let me know but she was going to be very busy. I texted her that weekend and she said would go out with me, but when we made plans, she bailed an hour before we were supposed to go out because something came up. >>> (Maybe something came up, maybe not. Maybe she talked to her friends and they talked about how they believe you’re just using her, and she didn’t want to go out because of that. Who knows? But bailing on the last minute is a sign that she’s in the green-ish zone.)<<<
I told her that I hope everything is okay, and to let me know when she would like to get together again. >>> ( I would’ve said, “Aw I’m sorry to hear. Let’s get together and talk about it this week. Take care of your stuff and let me know when. I’d love to see you.) <<< I reached out to her that Sunday afternoon wishing that everything is okay, and then invited her to go get coffee. She never replied so I waited a few more days and said, “You must be playing hard to get.” With a winky face. >>> (Now You’re trying to force things because you fear you aren’t enough. She’s here and it’s exposing your insecurities and metaphorically stripping you naked. You fear, “I’m not enough, she isn’t going to love me, she’ll find someone better. When someone tries to force a girl to like them or go out with them it’s because you believe that if you let her be free then she isn’t going to choose you because you believe who you are isn’t enough for her.) <<< She then replied that she thinks that she needs time alone and some space. >>> (This is not something you want to hear. I talk about in my video and article ‘3 Ways To ALWAYS Get The kiss’ that one of a man’s biggest fears is having a sure thing and then losing it because he’s not only rejected, but realizes he has to actually try to mess something like that up. It only is a reflection of your lack of skills and knowledge which hits directly in a person’s two primary fears: The fear that you’ll never be loved, and the fear that you don’t have what it takes (Looks, education, etc.) P.S for those in similar situations or trying to attract somebody, when you’re doing all the work to meet up and she’s making it difficult then that shows she’s in the green section or has very low interest.)<<<
But this is where the story changes. A week after she sent that text, I went out with my friends to the same club we met them at, and she was talking to another guy the majority of the time. It left me in a tailspin the rest of the night and I couldn’t think straight. Do you think she was playing me? How do I get her back if she wasn’t?
>>> (When a girl tells you something like, “I have a boyfriend.” Then that basically means, “There’s no chance.” That’s the blue zone. Also, “I need some space.” She will be indifferent towards you. I once heard ‘the opposite of love is indifference.’ Most people would say it’s ‘hate’ not indifference. I’ve thought about that for a long time. But in a way, hate is love because hate = hurt and hurt most of the time comes from you loving someone or something so much. If you hurt then you must care and you must love something. If you were indifferent, then it wouldn’t bother you in the slightest. Either way, when she is in the blue section then she will be totally cold and indifferent to you. She will be direct and tell you she’s not interested and there’s no chance.) <<<
I was thinking about reaching out to her next week. >>> (Whoever gave you the advice of being cold to her backfired on you, but don’t worry Team SK has your back. If a girl tells you, “I need space” then usually I would advise to GIVE HER SPACE. In your case, and this has to be your judgement, but if you want to reach out then you really only have ONE card to play. Begging won’t bring her back. You have to be straight up with her like a man. I would call or text and apologize. Something like: “What I said and how I acted probably made you feel like I didn’t care about you. I can tell that I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I’m not good at everything, and I don’t know everything but what I do know is that I want you. If you aren’t ready to give that then I understand, but I want to make it up to you and no other man will take the time and put the effort in to plan something like I have planned for you.”
Her: “what’s that?”
You: “You’ll see this weekend. I can do either Friday or Saturday at 7 o’clock. Which one is good for you?”
Then you actually plan something special and make it up to this poor girl. And if she doesn’t accept then say, “if you change your mind I’ll be here.” And you walk away never expecting to hear from here again. But learn from this, and for the listeners, learn so you know when to flirt and when to build rapport. If you’re listening and in a similar situation, then the fastest way to get a hold of me is to go to my website and book a coaching session with me. If you are in a similar situation or have a story to share, then make sure to message me on Instagram or via email. I try my best to answer every single one. I’m Selna Kim – America’s Face of Dating and I will see you next time.) <<<